Sunday, 20 January 2008

What are you looking for?

What are you looking for? Is it that cup which went missing last week? It could be in the cupboard with the old mugs and children’s mugs (the ones not on display); it could be in the cupboard with the plastic beakers; it could have been put in the cupboard with the dinner plates. Perhaps someone made a loose connection in their head, one you can’t quite put your finger on right now – you might call it a free association – and put it in the cupboard with the baking ingredients. It’s really very hard to say without turning everything out onto the floor and then what will happen is that the dog will eat everything or kick it across the tiles if anyone new enters the kitchen. So perhaps we’ll leave it missing for now.

Now what are you looking for? Is it last month’s credit card statement? It shouldn’t be difficult to find seeing as how it translates into an inventory for the toy department of Amazon and has more print on it than a Sunday paper. It’s probably buried beneath the other bills for the January term. They should use coloured paper if they want people to pay but then I suppose they don’t, do they? Or they could use paper which changes colour as it approaches the statement date; now that really would be useful. Perhaps some mysterious benefactor has whipped your statement away and the letter from the credit card company will glide so gracefully through the letterbox that the dog won’t hear it and puncture it with his teeth unlike the bills which arrive so aggressively, laden down with loan adverts and covered in saliva. The letter will be thanking you for being such a fine customer, for being so incredibly loyal, for your zero balance.

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