Getting The Star Treatment

She works in the local garden centre. If you met her elsewhere, you probably wouldn’t imagine her either amongst the plants or in the coffee shop where she actually works. She has long, straightened, highlighted blonde hair pinned up in a slide in a girlish way so that the rear view of her is almost pleasant but her hard, liner-rimmed blue eyes and angular facial features offer a clue to the way in which she is likely to treat you if you have the nerve to turn up expecting to be served. There is a tattoo on the inside her wrist; a star and some writing that is impossible to decipher perhaps because of its unskilful execution or maybe even that her manner is so abrupt that she never lingers long enough in one place for fear of engagement with her customers.

I didn’t have much choice, really. Went down the Job Centre and it was either cleaning at a hotel or here, serving up coffee to stuck-up old people too sad to have a life of their own. We have a laugh in the kitchen alright and you get a free lunch and it’s not bad either. But you wouldn’t believe the people what come in ‘ere. There’s a couple of old bags that come every 2 weeks. I mean, they turn up about half-nine on Tuesdays before I’ve even got the stuff out. One of ‘em always has tea and the other asks for a decaf latte which is a real pain in the arse. What’s the point of that, anyway? I bet they’re not short of a bob or two but they’re so tight they always share a cake. They spend ages standing there deciding which one they want which really winds me up. Then, the other day, they both came in with vouchers for half price cake and guess what? Yeah, right, they both had a cake. Funny, isn’t it? Just proves how tight they are. I heard them slagging me off after they’d paid. Something about ‘having a really bad attitude’. What they don’t realise is that I’m rude, not deaf. It’s not that I’m not grateful for the job or anything. After all, I need the cash but you do lose your sense of humour in ‘ere. Can’t wait to get out. Back to my old job. I’d love them come to see me then. Get my own back. Just waiting for the phone call and I’m off. Back to being a stand-up comedienne; I’m gonna be a star, you know.